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Billie Eilish reveals she contemplated suicide: ‘I didn’t think I’d make it to 17’

Billie Eilish has revealed she considered suicide last year after the pressures of fame got too much.

The Grammy-nominated singer says she was left clinically depressed after friends who couldn’t deal with her success drifted away.

Image: Eilish and her brother Finneas O’Connell have written the No Time To Die title song

Speaking on The Gayle King Grammy Special, ahead of Sunday night’s awards, she said: “I was so unhappy last year. I was so unhappy and I was so like, joyless.

“I don’t want to be too dark, but I genuinely didn’t think I’d make it to 17.”

Speaking in her childhood home in LA, the singer, who has just turned 18, said there was a particular moment she felt overwhelmed by her emotions.


She told King: “I think about this one time I was in Berlin, and I was alone in my hotel, and I remember there was a window right there, and I, like… God, I remember crying because I was thinking about how… the way that I was gonna die was that I was gonna do it.”

She says it was thoughts of her mother that stopped her.

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Her mother, Maggie Baird, helped her through recovery, putting the singer into therapy and reducing her hectic schedule.

Eilish credits her fans and their response to her shows with helping her get through those dark times.

Image: She credits her mum and her fans with helping her through dark times

She has previously spoken about dealing with mental health issues, including anxiety, self-harm and depression, since the age of 13.

Eilish, who was diagnosed with Tourette’s as a child, has said the syndrome can make “easy things a lot harder” and told fans she still suffers from various physical tics.

She revisits thoughts of suicide in the lyrics of her latest single Everything I Wanted.

Written with her older brother Finneas O’Connell, the song was inspired by a dream she had about taking her own life, and then discovering that her family, friends and fans didn’t care.

Eilish has recently become the youngest artist to write and record a Bond title song, following in the footsteps of Adele and Sam Smith.

Listen to “Uncut Gems, Armando Iannucci and Picard” on Spreaker.

:: Listen to the Backstage podcast on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, Spreaker

She will be performing live at this weekend’s Grammy Awards.

Eilish has six nominations, and is the youngest artist to receive nods in all four main categories.

Her debut album When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? topped the UK and US charts when it was released last year, becoming the highest performing album of 2019 in the US.

Lizzo dominates as women lead Grammy Award nominations

Lizzo has scored eight nods in the peer-voted competition, with Billie Eilish and Lil Nas X following with six nominations each.

Eilish already has two American Music Awards, two Guinness World Records and three MTV Video Music Awards.

The 62nd Annual Grammy Awards take place on Sunday 26 January in LA.

:: Anyone feeling emotionally distressed or suicidal can call Samaritans for help on 116 123 or email in the UK. In the US, call the Samaritans branch in your area or 1 (800) 273-TALK.


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